


Forever. (of lost kids,)

by abigails



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fatal accident, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Abusive Parent, but for like two sentences only, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking, the archive warning is a big spoiler already but i just want you to know what youre signing up for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigails/pseuds/abigails
Summary: “Forever?”“Forever,” he echoed. His tone nonchalant like it was nothing, like he didn’t just promise eternity.
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay & Yang Jungwon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Yang Jungwon
Comments: 22
Kudos: 100





	Forever. (of lost kids,)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so fucking sorry.

"Can you come pick me up?"

"I'll be right over."

The reply was laced with worry, per usual.

It was always like this, two in the morning, he hit up a familiar number. The familiar number would, always, answer in a split second, no matter how early it was.

Jungwon nodded to himself as he slid on his worn-out sneakers, ending the call. He couldn't find himself to be at home anymore. Not like it was any uncommon occurrences, for dad was pissed drunk and slurring his words like every other night, but that stinky alcoholic smell just got more and more suffocating as the night progressed.

Nights like these, it was always Jongseong whom he would call for.

Jongseong arrived on his motorbike barely five minutes later, fists tightened on handlebars. It should've taken longer, but the concern in his eyes and apparent anger in his clenched jaw had explained it all. Jongseong was worried. He always had been.

"Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?" Jungwon heard the older ask as he accepted the helmet, hurriedly putting it on.

"I'm fine," he said swiftly, hopping on the backseat. Small hands holding onto Jongseong's varsity jacket. "He hasn't done anything yet, but I'd rather get out before things get worse."

_Before words turned physical, before dad picked up an empty bottle and smashed it on him._ Jungwon unconsciously winced at the recollection, his fingers seizing the older a bit harder.

Jongseong probably noticed, for he sighed.

"Treehouse?"

"Treehouse," Jungwon echoed. 

Anywhere would do actually, he just wanted to get away from here.

The engine started after a low hum. His grip on Jongseong tightened as they sped down the empty road.

Jungwon didn't like it, not one bit, the way he kept calling Jongseong up far too early in the morning just to get him away whenever his alcoholic dad acted up. He wouldn't have, but the older saw him covered in bruises and scratches and left outside the house once and made Jungwon promise to ring him if it ever happened again.

He clutched the older's waist a bit tighter. _Guilt_. Guilt ate him up every time. How the calls got more frequent over time, how fear came a bit later in the night, how clearly he could see through the worry and panic of Jongseong's eyes whenever the motorbike showed up in front of his house. He hated it, hated seeing himself so vulnerable and burdensome and less than self-sufficient.

But he knew he was tired. He knew it too well, and Jongseong's back was too broad not to lean onto.

Gradually, Jongseong became something so much like home, so much like a place where Jungwon would come for repose, a place to shield him from the atrocity of the outside world, a place to fall back to every day.

It took them almost fifteen minutes to reach their destination. The ride was quiet, it always had been. The tearing sound of motor engine lonely amidst the silence of the night, dull streetlights threw layered shadows of them down the road. It felt like there was only them in this world, a momentary hunch of fairy-tale-like runaways.

Nights like these, Jongseong would always take them to their secret hideout, a treehouse way too far into the woods they had magically discovered on a little adventure years ago. No one really knew about it, or they did, but no one really cared about rusty wood planks on a tree except for two lost kids who sought escapism.

It was incredible how the treehouse even lasted this long, really, for it trembled whenever one of them stepped a bit too hard on a plank. It was somewhat like this town, worn out and shitty, but good enough; there were nowhere else.

"Thank you, for getting me out so late," Jungwon said after they've settled on the floor, looking at the night sky from the high view. Chilly winds messing up their hair.

"You know I'd do anything for you." Jongseong lit up a cigarette and put it to his lips. A haze of smoke came out shortly after.

The statement sounded so natural it made Jungwon smile. It took a second before he broke the silence again.

"Then, would you get out of here with me?"

A look of curiosity through his raised eyebrow. Jongseong didn't answer, his eyes examining the boy as if asking for further elaboration.

“If we found a way to escape, would you consider it?" He rephrased, shifting to look at the older before continuing.

"Do you want to get out of this town and move to a city like Seoul, or anywhere, maybe go to college or get a proper job; to just,” he took a breath, “get a better life?”

A moment before Jongseong responded. “With you?”

"Yeah," an exhale. Doe eyes awaited an answer. "With me."

Jongseong took one more hiss of the cigarette and dropped it down to the ground. 

"Of course." 

He replied, inching closer, placing two gentle fingers on Jungwon's chin, caressing his cheekbone. "Of course I would do anything with you." 

Then came a chaste kiss on the younger's forehead, like a promise. "But, you know your dad. We both do. And I can't let anything happen to you,"

"Yeah I know," Jungwon cut him off, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I know about all that. But I have a plan."

Jongseong's finger stopped at the bold statement. "Hmm?"

"A legitimate one." He emphasized. "I will try to apply for a scholarship, Seoul National University. I know I'm dreaming high but my school records are all clean and I'm confident I'm smart enough. I just need some financial help, for the remaining, I can go work part-time somewhere. It shouldn't be hard. I'll get there first and I will figure out a way to bring you with me. I can get us out of here, I will be free from my dad and you'll no longer have to work to pay for your parents' debts-" His voice started cracking, trying its best to complete his train of thoughts.

Jongseong pulled him into a hug, letting his face rest against Jongseong's shoulder. He smelled of woods, of the treehouse, of warm soothing breaths that would always calm Jungwon's tensed nerves. He wrapped his arms around Jungwon as his fingers ran through the boy's hair.

"Look, it's okay, it's okay," reassuring kisses placed on top of Jungwon's head. "I know you can do it. You'll get us out of here."

Jungwon sniffled, pretending it was just the winds' doing. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jongseong whispered. "You’re incredible. You can do anything, and I will be supporting you by your side, forever."

“Forever?”

“Forever,” he echoed. His tone nonchalant like it was nothing, like he didn’t just promise eternity.

“That’s so long.”

Jongseong inched back from the embrace, and Jungwon lifted his head at the movement. There were a few seconds of silence between them as Jungwon felt the older fixate his eyes on him, as if capturing a picture of the younger in his mind, taking in all the stars and constellations dancing down his fluttering lashes.

Jongseong’s eyes were sharp, sharp and exceptionally dark, yet always unconditionally fond when it came to Jungwon; deep, piercing gazes that put wings on his heart, trapped air in his lungs.

“No,” Jongseong shook his head.

“Not when it’s you.”

*****

"I got in!" Jungwon screamed into the phone.

"You _what_?" The other end screamed back twice as loud, obvious delight in his tone.

"Hyung, I got into Seoul Uni. It's a fifty-percent scholarship! I'm getting out of here!" He exclaimed, hand clutching the admission paper.

This was it. This was his ticket out, the stepping stone of his plan. This was the beginning of all he had dreamt of. He was going away, and he was going far.

"Can I meet you tonight?" He asked after a few seconds of exchanged laughs, voice anticipating. "If you don't have shifts tonight, of course." It's been a good while since he'd last seen Jongseong. Exams and schoolwork were snowing him under it was hard to make time.

"Sure kid," a cackle from the other end. "I would, actually, cancel my shifts for you."

Warmth. Warmth in his stomach. 

"Okay then," he breathed. "Pick me up at midnight, my dad should be asleep by then."

"Alright, I'll see you tonight." The call ended as excitement thumped his heart.

Nightmares of his childhood, he was finally escaping from them.

*****

"Hey angel," Jongseong stopped the motorbike and spread out his arms, welcoming Jungwon into a hug. The familiar pet name never failed to flush his cheeks.

"Hey," the younger ran into his embrace, burying his face in the older's neck. Safe, what it felt like. Jongseong smelled of a home Jungwon deserved but never had.

They stood hugging for seconds before Jongseong let out a huffed chuckle. "Should we get going?"

"Yeah, let's go."

It took them a bit longer to reach the hideout, since Jongseong had to drive slower with the distraction of Jungwon, finally genuinely happy and couldn't stop chattering, totally different from the quiet rides when they were running away from his dad.

They — well mostly Jungwon, since Jongseong just listened and sometimes chimed in a soft chuckle in acknowledgement — talked about how a month from now he would be miles away from this town, that he was finally achieving his dreams and he would work hard to survive in Seoul.

They arrived at the destination and settled on the usual spot. It was a warm night, spring was slowly making its way to this cold side of town and winds were carrying soft scents of wild plums. Jungwon saw Jongseong fish out a boxed chocolate cupcake and two bottles of soju from his backpack.

"Ooh, what is this for?" He asked curiously.

Jongseong's hand stopped midway, his eyes zeroed on the younger. "Your... birthday?"

_Oh._

Right, it was already past midnight, meaning it was supposedly February 9th.

He was turning eighteen.

It felt like yesterday when his mom had left the family behind, and dad had started consuming more alcohol than he should have, being way more violent than what a father was supposed to be. It felt like yesterday when Jongseong had found him outside his own house, taking him in and been his solace every since. Days passed. Eighteen years of his life was spent in this shitty town. His mouth tasted bitter with pity.

He emitted a long sigh. "You remembered."

"Of course I did." Jongseong placed a candle on top of the cupcake and lit it up. "It's the eighteenth birthday of the _most_ important person in my life." He emphasized on every syllable like it was something grand. The statement earned him a soft smile.

"Now wish." He held out the cupcake with a glowing candle to Jungwon.

A wish, a shooting faith into the inevitability of life, something too luxury for a kid who grew up in such a suburb. For sure, Jungwon had more than enough wishes. Education, success, _freedom_ , he craved them all. He was ambitious, way too ambitious for what his humble circumstances could afford, and he knew better not to waste any wishes at all.

But his eyes flashed to the person sitting across him. Jongseong was holding up the cupcake, gaze full of anticipation and fondness and so _painfully kind_ under the candlelit atmosphere. Jongseong looked at him like he was the only person in this world. Jongseong made him feel like he was wanted, like he mattered, like he was worth the cold nights. No one else had ever done that, no one else cared.

Jongseong made him feel like he was loved, without even knowing what love was.

_My wish is you._

Jungwon thought as he blew out the candle. 

"Nice," the older flashed him an eye smile, putting down the cupcake and opened a bottle of soju. "And," Jongseong poured out a shot, offering it to Jungwon. "Now that you're legal."

The sour smell had him hesitating. Years of childhood had taught him that nothing good came along with alcohol.

He thought he knew better. But what could possibly ruin his eighteenth birthday? A shot of soju?

Jungwon was anything but a coward, for he downed it at once. The stinging taste of alcohol felt cruel in his throat, it reminded him of dad.

And before he could withdraw his mind from the wavering past, Jongseong closed the distance and leaned in for his lips. One hand firm on Jungwon's waist and the other pressing against the floor to keep balance, holding him captive in his personal space.

Jungwon inhaled, and _god_ , all he could smell was Jongseong.

Jongseong's lips were soft like moon's touch and as warm as a blanket, laced with a faint hypnotic taste of soju, pouring all over him like summer rain. Jungwon wanted to blame the alcohol, for the smell of liquor that had once borne nightmares was now suddenly too irresistible and addicting. It had him leaning in, chasing the sweet taste on Jongseong's lips. He could feel the older smiling into the kiss, fingers twirling at his back. He knew Jongseong wanted him, and he wanted Jongseong, too.

He loved this. He loved the treehouse. He loved the alcohol.

He loved Jongseong.

Because for once since so long, Jongseong made him feel a little more alive and far less lost.

_You. My wish is you, forever._

*****

After a few shots along with long, fervent kisses that they were both too deep in to pull away from, Jongseong reached out for his backpack and took out a box. A hand-sized brown wooden box with the word 'keep' written on it with something like a black-inked marker.

"Do you know what a time capsule is?" He asked.

"Tell me about it," Jungwon's voice was honeyed and his body was draped all over the older's. Alcohol was making him extra clingy.

Jongseong just chuckled lovingly at the sight.

"Well, this box," He started, forefinger tapping on the object, "is a time capsule. You can put anything you want in it, could be something you treasure, something trivial, to keep it as a memory and seal it away. Years later, you come back and open it, relive all the memories you once held dear to." He placed a kiss on the younger's head. "And I want to keep this memory with you."

Jungwon hummed. "Anything, you say?"

"Anything."

"Well you're gonna need a bigger box then," he shrugged. "My love is a bit too big to fit in that tiny box."

"You know," Jongseong pinched his nose and let out a laugh. "You're really cute when you're drunk."

Jongseong shifted to take off the silver ring from his forefinger and put it in the box, one which he had been wearing ever since Jungwon could remember. The younger then took of the pendant necklace with his name carved at the back of the charm, one of the few things his mom had left behind.

Jongseong then fished out a picture from his wallet; a stained polaroid of two kids in uniforms that were too big for their ages, one was holding up a peace sign, and one was wrapping his arms around the other.

The polaroid made Jungwon's stomach churn. Every memory they had in this shitty town, all those hopeless tears and waves of laughter that were too sumptuous for lost kids like them, all of it sealed away and momentarily forgotten. Jungwon would miss it, but they still have their whole lives ahead, a life together. 

He rested his head on the older's chest. The thought made him feel at ease.

_Forever._ He thought.

It was not until the Jongseong's phone alarm had rung that they realized both of them had dozed off from the alcohol last night. Their limbs still entangled and Jungwon's fingers were still in Jongseong's hair. Weak sunlight smoothing through layers of timber leaves made him sure it was still too early in the morning. He heard a murmur of 'good morning' from the older.

"Hey," he greeted back, barely hearing his own voice. The hungover was making his head swirl.

"I'm gonna have to get going soon," Jongseong whispered, a chaste kiss following right after as he bent down for the younger's lips. "I'll drive you home."

As they got up and prepared to leave, Jungwon saw the older sneakily putting something like a piece of paper in the time capsule. He wanted to ask, but only earned a ruffle on the head. Curiosity was strong, but the undissolved haze of sleep along with the weight of his loaded head beat it by a landslide.

By the time they arrived at Jungwon's, the sun had gone way above the horizon. Morning's bright light made him squint his way through sleepiness. The boy placed a quick peck on the older's cheek before hopping off the vehicle, not forgetting to whisper a tiny 'stay safe' in his ear.

"Are you sure you can go to work? We had quite a couple of shots last night." He asked worriedly.

"I just drove you home safely, didn't I?"

Jongseong's voice was fond. It always had been.

"I'll be okay. I promise."

The thought came and went in a millisecond, but Jungwon wondered if Jongseong would ever break his promises.

"Happy birthday angel," Jongseong placed one last kiss on the younger's forehead before he headed off to his destination.

Maybe, just maybe, Jongseong would, by accident.

*****

Nine in the evening.

Jungwon's phone rang. The familiar solemn melody hinting a call from one expected number; because, well, no one actually called him on purpose aside from Jongseong and sometimes a wrong number.

So when the caller appeared to be Park Sunghoon — one of Jongseong's 'colleagues' whose contact Jungwon had saved solely because he drove Jungwon home once due to Jongseong's unexpected shift — a question arose inside him. He picked up the phone nonetheless.

There was a wave of static from the other end before Sunghoon spoke up. "Jungwon," his voice strangely low and nervous.

"Yes hyu-"

"You have to come to the hospital right now. Jongseong," Sunghoon swallowed down a gulp. "He got in an accident, and it's really serious I- I don't think you have much time..."

The phone dropped from Jungwon's shaky hands, clattering onto the floor. His knees gave up on himself as he collapsed, arms barely handling the weight of his body. Air trapped in his lungs. _Breathe._ His subconscious yelled. _Breathe._ His vision was getting blurry. _Breathe._ His ears were roaring. _Breathe. Breathe._ His chest seized in pain.

His mind was swirling. _Jongseong._ That was all he could think of. All of his energy was sucked out, but his legs picked themselves up and started sprinting out the door, shoelaces untied. He stumbled. A cut formed on his knee. He didn't mind. He _couldn't_ mind.

He didn't have much time left.

*****

"Where the _fuck_ is he?"

Jungwon screamed at Sunghoon as he scrambled into the hospital's waiting room. He sounded angry, he _was_ angry, not at Sunghoon, not at Jongseong, not at anyone. But he was scared, and the dread in Sunghoon's eyes sent cold shivers down his spine. It was a mix of horror and misery and all the horrible things that Jungwon couldn't even dare imagine.

He grabbed Sunghoon by the collar. " _Where_ is hyung?"

His voice trembled in fear. He feared the deafening silence, and he feared the answer.

Sunghoon shook his head, the movement made a tear stream down his face. And Jungwon could feel his heart straining in between his ribs. "I'm sorry." The taller choked up a sob, fist covering his mouth. "I'm sorry kid."

Like a bullet was shot in between his ribs.

"What do you _mean_ you're sorry?" Jungwon forcefully shook the older's shoulders in disbelief. His eyes opened so wide it strained. "Fucking _answer_ me hyung."

The look in Sunghoon's eyes turned into something so much like pity, and Jungwon could feel his stomach turning upside down. His already-too-dried mouth opened wide ready to scream once more, as if the past three times weren't already loud enough; until the operating room door clicked open and caught his attention. The doctors walked out with a gurney, on which the patient was covered by a thermal blanket, hints of blood underneath a bit too clear, too vibrant.

As if realised something, Sunghoon immediately grabbed Jungwon's arm and pulled him back. "Jungwon no-"

But fear could only give one so much courage, for the younger pulled away and rushed to the wheeled bed. The thoughts in his head terrified him, eating him raw with every step he took.

The voice in his head cried as he lifted the blanket, despising the protest of the standby doctors.

For once in a lifetime, Jungwon genuinely wished he was wrong.

Stinging silence. Yet there were wars in his head.

Jongseong was laying there, lifeless. Eyes closed shut and no signs of breathing.

"No, no," a muffled cry. Jungwon dropped down to the floor, knees slamming against the cold marble surface. This couldn't be. It just _couldn't_. 

Jongseong's always frowning eyebrows now way too relaxed. Lips that were always pouting now stretched out like an almost-smile. He looked peaceful, so peaceful Jungwon was convinced he was just deep in sleep.

"Hyung, wake up," his voice softened as he placed a palm on Jongseong's cheek, fingers running down the older's sharp jawline now full of cuts and bruises. "Please, please wake up. Please don't leave me. I don't know how to live without you. Please," he begged, voice cracked, cupping Jongseong's face in his hands, trying to find a hint of heat from the older's body.

But Jongseong's body was bitterly cold. The lack of warmth shook him to his core.

"You promised me forever, hyung. You said you would be with me forever." Droplets of tears fell down as he buried his face in the older's bare chest, covered in bandages and bloodstains.

"He's just in a coma, right? He's just sleeping isn't he?" He pleaded, to the doctors, to God, to any higher deity up there, hopeless, _anyone_ who could hear him and give him the answer he wanted.

Yet to the deepest of his despair, their heads shook in response.

It was nine-forty-two, and Jungwon placed one last kiss on Jongseong's lips.

*****

He found himself under the treehouse, staring up at the familiar wood planks. He wasn't sure what time it was and how did he end up here, but the sky was pitch black and his legs were sore.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he could see headlights and sounded horns and angry drivers, but he hadn't got a blink of sleep for two days straight and it was probably a hallucination.

It was haunting. Every time his eyes closed up came the sight of Jongseong on the hospital bed, covered in wires and bandages, lifeless. Every time he let his mind loose he found himself ruminating over impossible what-if's. Every time he even _dared_ to blink, the image of Jongseong smiling with his arms spread, welcoming him to a nonexistent embrace — as if taped under his eyelids — came rushing back in a swirl like a cassette, wistful and rowdy of memories.

He weakly climbed up the treehouse, his limbs had lost so much strength they could barely hold on to the string ladder.

The familiar woodsy smell sent an unconscious breath down his lungs. The smell which once had given him solace and comfort and kisses and embraces was now cruel and suffocating. The treehouse was filled with unfamiliar emptiness. He realized he had never come here alone.

Sneakers kicked to one side, his feet bare. The wood beneath felt like ice under the early spring breeze. In his head, it'd been years since he'd last been here.

_Where are you?_

He wanted to ask. He wanted to ask a lot of questions, actually. But it all swallowed down as tired eyes dashed to a corner near the balcony, where it stood out a brown wooden box, the word 'keep' written on top.

A time capsule.

A capsule of memoirs, of physical keepsakes and intangible mementos, of memories once held dear to sealed away. A sheath of junk to some, but a treasure to others, to them. He strolled towards the object, picked it up and held it in his arms.

Memories — reality, he held it, asked it to be kinder, asked it why it bites.

He wasn't sure if the box was closed a bit too tightly, or it was just himself having no energy left. Reminiscences felt like thorns against his touch. The capsule opened, inside laid a necklace and a ring, all too familiar. Yet there was something he didn't quite have any collection of, an old-fashioned envelope he couldn't make out if it had been there before.

It was a letter. A two sided piece of paper that seemed like it had been ripped off a notebook, black handwriting inked on plain white paper a bit too cruelly. His finger traced the ink, through every curve and every stroke. Familiar. Everything was so familiar it ached.

_To, my dear Yang Jungwon,_

_Now, how do I start this. It's been a while since I've written anything, really. But I figured I wanted to write something for you before you move to Seoul and we probably won't be seeing each other for months after that, so please bear with me (and my handwriting)._

_This morning you called me and told me the news, I was genuinely happy for you, really. I've always known there's nothing you couldn't do. Once you've set your mind on something, success will always come your way, that I'm sure._

_People might think it's impossible for someone to be genuinely happy for another's achievements, since we all have this selfish part of ourselves. Well, I hope you know your happiness is mine, and I would do anything to keep that bright tingle in your voice this morning._

_In Seoul, as much as there are opportunities, there might also be a lot of troubles, a lot of hardships that I, or we both, would never expect. Many things could happen, things that could shake even the strongest people._

_I'm not saying you can't overcome them. I know you can. Actually, I'm sure you can. Because it is you, because it is Yang Jungwon that we're talking about._

_But you know me, I'm always worried. And maybe you're sick of this already, but the thought of not being able to reach out and protect you as I've always done, it terrifies me a little bit._

_We've known each other for how long? Ten? Fifteen years? You've been in my life for as long as I could remember, always by my side, always in my arms. From our little adventures when we were toddlers, to sleepless nights under this rusty treehouse, it's always been you who's next to me. Your presence has become something so important to me that it drives me a bit crazy to imagine it gone._

_Well, not gone, but absent for a while._

_There's this part of me wanted to ask you to stay, to stay here in this town, to stay here with me. This part of me can't imagine not taking care of you, can't imagine not having you in the backseat, can't imagine one day my phone would stop ringing at two in the morning. This part of me will miss you a lot._

_But, I know how selfish it is of me to think that. I know how much Seoul means to you, how much escaping from here means to you. I know you wanted a better life. I know all of it._

_And I know I promised to support you by your side forever, yet now I can't. So if things ever get so hard on you, if it ever comes a day when you feel like you can't hang in there anymore, I hope you know you still, forever, have a home to return to._

_Until then, I will wait. I will wait for the day you sit on my backseat again, arms wrapped around my waist and we tear down the night sky, like we always did._

_Until we meet again, Jungwonie._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I have a Lot of things I wanna say about this work aha,,, I will try to make it short 
> 
> Firstly I understand if the plot doesn't make much sense to some as I really just wanted to write mcd and . the whole story was based on the mcd scene alone HELP now it just seems like a cliche shock factor for which I deeply apologise.
> 
> Secondly as much as I hate this storyline, this is my longest (and most dedicated) work to date and [self-indulgent time] I'm actually very proud of it *pats my own back* and I hope you enjoyed reading it !! I had a hard time finishing the fic as I felt like giving up halfway but I hope at least my effort brought you some feelings ;;;
> 
> Again, kudos and comments are very much appreciated !!! You can also find me on twitter @ jaysungwon ^^


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